Afraid to Fall Read online

  Afraid to Fall

  By

  Nicole Douglas

  Dedication

  To Katie. Your friendship touched my life more than you ever knew. Thank you for teaching me to always laugh and look at the world with optimism, hope and love. It is something I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life.

  Copyright © 2014 Nicole Douglas

  All rights reserved. Copying this material, in part or whole, without permission from the author is not permitted. This includes, but is not limited to, photocopying, printing, selling, or rewriting this story.

  This novel is strictly fiction. No characters were based on real individuals and no places mentioned in the book are based on real cities, towns, businesses, etc.

  Chapter One

  The last person Kyle Winters expected to see in middle of this grungy Colombian market was Jessica Mills. Yet there she was, picking up knick-knacks off a table that sat on the edge of the sidewalk with two other women on each side of her. He watched her from a distance as he and fellow Army Ranger, Mike Harris, sat at a slightly rusting table drinking their third round of beer. Kyle had never been a heavy drinker but there wasn't much else to do during his down time since they arrived months before.

  He took another swig from the warm bottle and set it back on the table, never taking his eyes off the familiar woman across the crowded street. He watched as her smile radiated warmth and joy to everyone within a ten foot radius of her, just as it had back in high school when he last saw it with his own eyes. You didn't even have to know her to be affected by such a smile. She was, for lack of a better word, angelic.

  To his extreme dismay, the light ache in his chest returned the exact moment he spotted her. That feeling had always been present whenever she was and that, he realized, had still not changed. When he left their small North Carolina town six years ago that feeling was replaced with something else.

  Emptiness.

  He suddenly missed that empty feeling now that the raw pain found its way inside of him, eating away at what little peace he had been able to find. He hoped that if he saw her in another six years that dreadful sensation would finally be put to rest.

  "You about ready to head back?" Mike asked after he tossed his empty bottle into the trash can from his seat.

  "One more beer."

  He needed one more now.

  Hell, he needed more than one more.

  By the time he refocused his attention to the booth she had been standing at, she was gone. He sat up straighter in his seat, looking through the crowd of strange faces. As if his legs had a mind of their own he pushed his chair back and bolted down the street, weaving through people who lingered in his way.

  Relieved to see loose blond curls bouncing gently with each step she took, he slowed his pace slightly and released the breath he hadn’t known he had been holding when he thought she disappeared. She was walking in the middle of the same two women had saw her with earlier, their arms now linked together.

  How many blond women with soft curls and a spring to their step could there be in this small market center?

  It had to be her.

  Twelve Years Ago

  Kyle quickly chose a lunch table by himself and sat down broodingly. He didn’t want to go to this stupid school. He missed his friends back home in Seattle and had been looking forward to starting junior high with them all summer. Then all of a sudden his parents sprung the news of their divorce on him and his mom dragged him across the country to some small town he had never even heard of.

  Riverdale.

  Why couldn’t he have just stayed with his dad and soon to be step-mom?

  Fork in hand, he picked at the disgusting looking slop the cafeteria was trying to pass for spaghetti and wished he had just walked to the McDonald's down the street for lunch. He was positive he going to hate everything about this place. He had spent all morning daydreaming of the day he could run away, back to his dad and all his friends; couldn’t wait to leave as soon as he got the chance.

  He dropped his fork on the tray and glanced around the packed cafeteria just in time to see a girl with a bouncing blond ponytail walking straight for him. She had a wide smile and crystal blue eyes. Time seemed to slow as he watched her approach his table. Completely entranced, the bitterness he had been feeling since he stepped foot in North Carolina slowly evaporated and was replaced with a hint of knots in the pit of his stomach.

  “Hi." She beamed radiantly. "My name’s Jessica. Would you like to come sit with me and my friends?”

  Chapter Two

  “Jessie!”

  There was only one person that had ever called Jessica by that nickname. She knew that voice, although it had grown slightly deeper since she had last heard it. It reminded her of home. Of childhood. Of so many things.

  Still, she was silently praying she wouldn’t see him when she turned around. She slipped out from Danielle and Amy’s arms and turned slowly, anticipating the gut wrenching feeling she knew was on its way.

  “Kyle.” She acknowledged cordially, cursing the shock in her voice.

  She quickly formed a smile to camouflage the tightly twisted coil in her tummy that made her feel like she could be sick any second. Danielle and Amy exchanged confused glances to each other followed by sly grins. Kyle had always been a cute boy and it was no surprise he had grown into an even more handsome man.

  “Are you going to introduce me to your friends?” He asked politely.

  “Oh. This is Danielle. And this is Amy.” She blushed lightly as she motioned from girl to girl. She seemed flustered for the slightest moment but recovered so fast that no one seemed to notice.

  No one except Kyle.

  “Nice to meet you.” He briefly looked from one girl to the other before returning his attention to Jessica.

  “I kind of left my friend…” He trailed off, glancing over his shoulder and halfway expecting to see Mike coming after him for bailing on their bill.

  He had been so caught up in the moment when he took off that explaining anything to Mike had been the last thing on his mind.

  “Right. Well…It was good seeing you again.” She replied flatly, turning to leave.

  “Wait.” He reached for her arm to stop her.

  When her sparkling blue eyes locked with his, his mind went blank. He scrambled to find a way to keep her around him for just a little while longer.

  “Do you want to come have a drink with us?” He searched her face, trying his damndest to keep the desperation he felt hidden deep.

  Blank. Careless. Neutral.

  That was the way he needed to be around her.

  “Sure.” She replied after looking to each of her friends for approval, seeing their eager expressions and less than discreet head nodding.

  He was just torturing himself with the old memories and suppressed feelings that were far better off left in their past. He knew that. But part of him was okay with the sick torment as long as it meant she was there with him for an extra moment.

  Here he was, a twenty-four year old man, who just couldn’t get past the same damn problem he had all through high school. He avoided attachments to people at all costs but for some reason she had broken through a barrier with him almost immediately. To this day she was the only person he had ever allowed to do that.

  He would just talk with her for a while. See how she had been the last few years. Ask how her brother was doing. What she had been up to since they parted way.

  That’s all.

  Just innocently catching up with an old friend who happened to be his first and only love.

  Chapter Three

  “I brought you some friends.” Kyle told Mike as they approached the same table he had raced away from not long before. “Amy and Danielle
.”

  A mischievous grin immediately replaced Mike’s confused irritation. Kyle knew precisely what would get him back on his friend’s good side. It was the only thing the man ever seemed to talk about since they had been deployed.

  “Ladies.” He greeted them with an approving nod as they sat. “And who is this?” He asked, eyeing Jessica up and down with interest.

  “Jessica.” She told him with her signature smile before Kyle had the chance to let Mike know this particular lady was off limits.

  “You want to go for a walk?” Kyle leaned toward Jessica and whispered in her ear before she sat down.

  She nodded slowly as if unsure whether they should spend any time alone. He wasn't so sure they should either, but there he was asking her all the same.

  “We're going to look around for a little bit.” Kyle informed Mike who was already flirting heavily with both women and failed to acknowledge their departure.

  As they walked out the open doorway of the bar they could hear the two girls giggling like teenagers. Mike generally had that effect on women which was one of the main reasons Kyle was dead set on removing the woman walking next to him from the equation.

  “What are you doing out here?” He asked as soon as they were out of earshot from the others.

  “Volunteering.” When he raised his eyebrows questioningly, she elaborated. “We’re here to help some of the villagers build a school for the children in town. Theirs was burned down a couple months ago.”

  “Ah, I see. Still trying to save the world.” He smirked.

  “I’d ask what you’re doing out here but I guess I already know.”

  He nodded to confirm it, unsure what to say. She stopped in front of a table adorned with hand carved wooden statues.

  “Well if you find think it’s funny that I’m volunteering you’re really going to like this..." He met her eyes with curiosity. "I’m a nurse.”

  They softly laughed in unison at her predictable career choice. Helping others was always her forte. Hell, she was trying to help him when they met. She saw a lonely new kid and swooped in to the rescue. It made sense to him that was what she chose to do with her life.

  The awkwardness they felt when they first saw each other had since evaporated and they began interacting the way they had years ago when they were the best of friends. Jessica stopped at another table and absentmindedly ran her hand over a hand woven blanket.

  Kyle picked up a detailed carving of a naked tribesman off a side shelf and held it up to her with a playfully suggestive expression on his face. A laugh escaped her throat before she quickly recovered and gave him an amused but disapproving look back.

  “How's your family?” He asked, watching her look at each item in front of her with interest.

  “My parents are great. So is my brother. He’s getting married in the spring! Can you believe that?” She giggled at how ludicrous that thought would have been six years ago.

  “Married? James? I never thought that would happen...To who?” Kyle asked after a brief pause as he processed the new information.

  His old friend James was getting married. He was filled with nostalgia; time had definitely changed things since he had left.

  “You remember Alexis King?” She paused for effect. “My soon to be sister-in-law.”

  “Wow” was all he could think to say on the matter at the thought of all he had missed and all he was continuing to miss. It was beginning to occur to him that maybe he had belonged in Riverdale after all. It was too late to go back now so he shoved the thought into the recesses of his mind.

  He had questioned his hasty decision to run away from his problems back then rather than facing things head on. His life was still missing something important that he couldn't quite pinpoint and he had been traveling the world with the army trying to fill the hole. It occurred to him that maybe becoming attached to people wouldn't have been so bad but he quickly dismissed that thought as well. What’s done was done. There was no going back.

  “Yeah, wow.” She agreed, not noticing his confliction. “So what about your mom? Is she doing okay?”

  “I wouldn’t know.” He replied, wishing to drop the topic.

  He hadn't spoken to his mother often since he left Riverdale behind. Just another choice he was coming to regret. Last time he talked to her she had remarried and was moving to Missouri.

  “You mean you never called her either?”

  Either. That little jab wasn’t lost on him.

  Here we go. He thought dryly.

  Much to his relief, as they approached a cart on the side of the narrow road with shawls and what appeared to be hand woven bracelets, she dropped the subject entirely.

  “These are so beautiful.” She said more to herself than to him as she looked closely at each item, finally stopping at a bracelet that had a mixture of turquoise and yellow threads.

  She gently picked up the small bracelet, ran a thumb over the rough fabric and stared at the craftsmanship in awe. “Yellow is my favorite color.” She informed him sheepishly, noticing him staring at her.

  “I know.” Kyle automatically responded.

  Her eyes quickly met his, holding his gaze for several seconds as he silently cursed himself. He needed to pay closer attention. He needed to remain aloof. Letting her know he remembered all her favorite things wasn't a good way to keep the distance between them. This was about catching up with an old friend.

  Nothing more.

  Without another word she dropped the bracelet and slowly turned, walking away from the cart and back to the bar. He followed her lead and kept the pace she set as they walked side by side.

  He let her precede him through the narrow spaces of the busy street before finding his place at her side again. They both walked in silence for several minutes until she could no longer ignore the white elephant that had been hovering between them.

  She had to get some things off her chest once and for all. Then she could leave this place and finally move on, something she hadn’t been able to do since his sudden disappearance from her life all those years ago.

  “I think you may have forgotten something before you left home.”

  Her words were innocent enough. She could have meant anything in the world by it. But her tone was full of spite and he knew exactly what she was getting at.

  Never one to beat around the bush, he had known Jessica would bring this up soon. In fact, he was surprised it had taken her this long to say what was so clearly wrong between them. Still, he decided it was best to stick with being as care-free as humanly possible in this situation. Or at the very least, appear to be.

  He had left for a reason, after all, and he needed to remember that reason. Because right now he was feeling the same as he did the first time he laid eyes on her; the first time he kissed her; the first and only time he made love to her. That would be a dangerous trap to get stuck in again after all he had done to escape it.

  “What would that be?” He asked carefully, preparing for her answer to be straightforward.

  And it certainly was.

  Chapter Four

  “Me.” She stated bluntly, stopping at a booth displaying more handmade jewelry. “You forgot me.”

  She picked up a necklace with a large pendant. She nervously examined it while waiting for his response, obviously avoiding eye contact.

  Not like her.

  “Well I couldn’t bring you with me.” He teased, trying to lighten the mood but failing miserably.

  “You know what I mean.” She snapped. “You never called me, Kyle. You never even texted or wrote me a letter.”

  “I didn’t have anything to say.” He nonchalantly shrugged.

  It wasn’t often that a person saw Jessica without a smile lighting up her face. But she certainly wasn’t smiling when she set the bracelet down and looked him in the eyes. He hated that he was the cause of the frown creasing her brow and the fiery anger emanating from her. He knew he was being an asshole, but couldn’t bring himself to let th
e conversation wander into the deep territory she was trying to steer it.

  His words cut her deeper than she would’ve liked to admit. Her teenage naivety had allowed her to believe she could change his outlook on life; that her love could change his mind about relationships and staying in Riverdale. She had soon realized that she had been terribly wrong in that belief and honestly thought she had long since moved on from that disappointment. After all this time, she couldn’t understand why the wound felt so fresh now that she was standing in front of him again.

  Smelling the hint of his cologne. Hearing his voice speak her name. It was like reopening a cut you thought already healed and pouring salt directly into it.

  “How the hell did you have nothing to say?”

  His eyebrows rose slightly at her language. He had never known her to curse before. Not once. She ignored his reaction as if she didn’t notice it at all.

  “You were my best friend! You never even told me you enlisted. You never even told me you were thinking about it. You just…disappeared.”

  Her voice descended to a whisper as if she didn’t want anyone around to hear. The pain became more evident in her voice with every word that slipped through her soft full lips and danced in the sticky summer air between them.